HoHoHo, you are all in for a very special treat today. Our very own Gato Claus is in for his once a year visit giving the stars the gifts that they have deserved this year, based of course upon the issues discussed so far in class this year. Not only does this cover the issues but this has the athletes we all hate and love getting the presents they deserve. Ok so now that you all know what the Gato Claus does, lets get down to business.
The first person to receive a present this year is my boy Timmy Tebow of the Denver Broncos. Being handed over the starting job by the fact that Kyle Orton is just miserable means he deserves some face time. Timmy gets this for a very special reason. In our more recent discussions we have been talking about abortions and whether or not they should be legal or illegal. Well Tim being the evengelical he is, we know that he is associated with Focus on the Family and therefore also pro-life. Tim has also announced to the entire world that he was a mistake, during the superbowl last year it was in an ad for the pro-life organization Focus on the Family. Tim also has assured us, in a press conference of course, that he is still a virgin and in fact saving himself for marriage. Well the Gato Claus would love to offer him a special present, for safe times during this christmas. Under his tree this year, Tim will be receiving a box of condoms and a prescription of birth control for his lady friend because that is the right thing to do. The starting quarterback of the Denver Broncos should be allowed to enjoy himself and not have to worry about pregnancy issues.
Next up is the always hated LeBron James. Although freedom of speech is a right we in America have theses days, after his charade he pulled on ESPN earlier this year announcing that he would be taking his "talents" to South Beach, he should be stripped of all speaking privelages. Thus under LeBron's christmas tree this year he will be finding a muzzle because nobody wants to hear him talk anymore. We are all tired of LeBron and we all know that he isn't going to win a championship, so when that time comes he can just strap that muzzle on and we won't have to listen to him speak. It is a good deal for everyone.
Lastly the Gato Claus will be stealing all of Brett Favre's presents and just leave a big ole lump of coal under his christmas tree because well, that is what he deserves after the year he has. The sexting incident reveiled, the comeback, the failed comeback. He just deserves this big pile of coal under his tree, and that is what he will be getting.
This was this years special edition of the Gato Claus, now back to a movie and chinese food, because that is how my family rolls on Christsmas.
Sidenote: None of these presents (i.e. the pack of condoms) are supposed to offend anyone. Sorry ahead of time if they do.
Love it! Keep it up.
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